JOYHAVƎИ

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[00:00:28] Fans make the network what it is. Thanks for listening, and we can't wait to hear from you. Find our listener survey at fableandfolly.com slash survey today. Listen up, thrillers. A quick note. Tonight's devious audio delight contains adult content and language, including graphic violence and sexual situations.

[00:01:42] Jesus, it's a fucking tomb! Well, no one's been here, no one will be here. It's perfect. Ugh, God, what a shithole. Your negativity's wearing me down. Well, you know, your dipshittery is wearing me down. Give it a break, Ava. Damn!

[00:01:58] You know, there was a JoJo's ten miles back, probably had hot water, clean sheets, but you know- You're too close to JoJo's. Whores. And whores bring cops. Is that what you want? Yeah, Dale. I want cops. Fuck. Can you just try to make this work?

[00:02:13] Well, we have to. For tonight, anyway. What about her? The hag. Is she gonna be a problem? I doubt it. I don't think she even wanted to see us. Can you blame her? Who'd want to be seen in this place? Are you just gonna keep shitting on everything?

[00:02:31] Me? Look at the carpet. That's actual shit. Christ, Ava. It's one night. We hit the Telerico meet in the morning, take our cut, then we're free. And you, you can stay anywhere you want. I should get hazard pay for staying here. I take it as hazard pay.

[00:02:53] I bet this place was nice once, though. In the beginning. I mean, an owner with pride. Pride? It was probably only dressed up on the outside to lure suckers off the highway. It was just another con. Maybe. There were simpler times, though. Not everything was a hustle.

[00:03:22] Do I look like a toddler in need of a bedtime story? Is that one of your rhetorical questions? Doesn't matter. It's not like that now, and I live in the now. Now. Yeah. You ever feel like you were born out of time?

[00:03:42] Like you should have been in some other, better time? No. That good old days shit is a toxic fucking brain worm. Hmm. Sign of age, I guess. Is that why you're checking out? Nostalgia? Just passing time thinking thoughts, that's all. Yeah. That good old days bullshit, true.

[00:04:08] And that's a big fucking if. I take a slice of peace they used to have, or seemed to have, anyway. Damn. Didn't see you falling for that con. Yeah. If I have to fall for one, that's the one that'd get me. You getting wistful now too, baby doll?

[00:04:30] Fuck you! I'm not your baby doll. Okay, okay. If I get bit by something in this shit bucket, I swear to god I'll pull your fucking nuts out through your throat. Good god, woman. Talk like that, it just makes me want to fuck. No, fuck off!

[00:04:43] Zero action happens in this virus factory. Oh, really? That convinced you, huh? Not until we get free and get someplace less roachy. That's the deal. Now, you just keep that dream alive, girl. Might just get there.

[00:05:36] Pardon, ma'am. What? Wondering if you had any new occupants in the last day or so. A man and a woman. Ma'am, it's a simple question. Did you rent a room to a man and a woman in the last day or so? Need a room?

[00:05:54] Look, just tell me what I'm- Ain't in the telling business. In the renting business. Well, I would listen if you want to tell me anything. Need a room? Yeah, okay. You got something next to the last room you rented? 3278 Cash Upfront. Which room? 3278 Cash Upfront. Here's 40.

[00:06:23] Can't make change. What room? Hey, come on now. 519. Obliged. So which way to- You hear that? What? Turn that shit off. Oh, Christ. What? Listen. Shit. This place was a fucking ghost town, now we got a next door neighbor? The hell if I know. Checking it out.

[00:07:15] No shit. Pops. How's that JoJo's looking now, huh? All right, all right. Just stay calm. We don't know anything. We know a cop just showed up right next door. It can't be a coincidence. Let me think. Let me think. Perfect time to start thinking. You're in this too.

[00:07:45] We need to figure this out together. What's to figure? There's a fucking cop next door. Okay, okay. We should be cool till the meet tomorrow. Yeah. We might need to split up somehow. Like one distracts the cop, one hits the meet. And how'd that work?

[00:08:01] Jeez, I don't know, Dale. Let me think. Well, maybe I go over there and fuck his brains out while you go to the meet. Shit. Could you? Fuck you! We need all the cards on the table here, Ava. Oh, all the cards, really?

[00:08:17] Okay, then you go over there and fuck his brains out and I'll go to the meet. I'm just saying. We don't know what they're doing here. Could be a coincidence. Even you ain't that dumb. We had a tail or a snitch or something else. Don't know that.

[00:08:36] Can't just go assuming it. Happy now? The bag. Kick it under the bed. I got this. Hey there, officer. Can I help you? Did I wake you? Uh, yeah. You're just catching up on some sleep. Right. Well, sorry to bother you. Uh, Grant. My name's Grant. Grant.

[00:09:39] You been staying here long, Grant? Me? Oh, you know, a few days now. A few days? Yeah. Yeah. Traveling with anyone? Me? No. Solo. All business. That's so. Yep. How's business? Pretty good, because, uh, well, you know, like... I don't know, Grant.

[00:10:04] How good can business really be if you're staying in a shithole like this? Uh, yeah. I mean, there's a JoJo's just up the road. Much nicer place for businessmen. Like you. Well, I guess... Well, it's a bit tougher out there, business-wise. Price deal. Keep it fucking simple.

[00:10:30] Get rid of him already. Try to stay positive. Listen, I'm looking for a man looks like you, actually. Your age, I mean. Oh, really? Yeah. He'd be traveling with a woman. Younger. Dirty blonde. A real lip on her, too. That's, uh... Specific. It is.

[00:10:50] So you see anyone like that? Like you. But with a woman. No. Heh. I mean, to be honest, I... I wish I had a woman like that right now, I mean... Am I right? This is a serious police matter, Grant. Yeah, no, I got it.

[00:11:11] Mind if I, uh, look around your room? Uh, uh... Why? To rule you out. It would help me focus when all the bullshit, like you, for example, is out of my way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Uh, don't you need, like, a... Oh, a warrant or something?

[00:11:28] Oh, ho, ho, look at you! Spouting law like that. Ha, ha, ha, ha, it's just, uh... TV shows and stuff, right? Got a TV law degree, do ya? Well, doesn't everyone now? Thing is, Grant, no one says shit like that unless they're hiding something.

[00:11:48] Or did you miss that part on the TV? I don't, uh... You see, with normal citizens, Grant, people with proper respect and fear of a lawman, they say things like, Sure, come on in. Nothing to hide here. Want some cookies? Really? I, uh...

[00:12:08] Hey, but don't those people end up getting framed for shit? Like, on TV, I mean. I sure as fuck do, Dale. What? Let's stop fucking around, Dale. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Tell Ava to come out of the bathroom right now. Officer, please. I'm sure this is...

[00:12:27] This is a mistake. Step back into the room, Dale. I'm coming in. Oh, okay. Okay, I'm doing it. Good. Now close the door nice and slow and quiet-like. Good. Over there on the bed, sit. Come on out of the bathroom now, Ava. Like... Tick-tock, Ava. Let's go!

[00:13:10] All right, I'm here. What do you want? Sit on the bed like Dale. Keep your hands where I can see them. How'd you find us? Would you believe dumb fucking luck? I would not believe that, no. See, I was driving by and I saw this place.

[00:13:32] And I thought to myself, Now that's exactly the kind of shithole I'd hide in if I were on the run. Except we're not on the run, asshole. Right, right, technically. Just laying low till the Telerico meet tomorrow, right? Your big cash out. You work for him?

[00:13:48] Me? I don't answer to thugs. Besides, law enforcement pays way better. Well, the way I do it anyway. Especially today. Am I right? This room, I meant. How did you get to this room? I told you. The hag. Did you look at her though? Her eyes?

[00:14:09] Uh, no, no. She didn't look at us. But did you look at her? I guess not much, no. Yeah, well, you missed it. It's all right there. Plain as day. If you only bothered to look. Don't know what you're talking about. Truth, Dale. I'm talking about truth.

[00:14:34] There was truth in those tired, faded eyes. Neglected, ignored. Like this place. But there was truth. That bitch ratted us out. It don't matter now. I wouldn't expect the two of you to understand, but you're right. It doesn't matter. What matters is money. Money?

[00:14:56] Don't treat me like an idiot that doesn't know what the two of you do, who you do it for, and for exactly how much. You are in possession of money. A hardmail cash, correct? Christ, Dale. First one that tells me where it is lives. It's under the bed.

[00:15:16] Ava! Okay, now we're cooking with grease. Which side? This, this one here. Under me. All right. Now, Ava. That was very good. I like how I can depend on you. Let's build on that. Yeah, sure. Damn it, Ava.

[00:15:37] So, Ava, sweetie, I want you to slowly, slowly inch that gorgeous little ass of yours off the side of the bed and gently drop to all fours. Can you do that? Yeah. Yes. Now? Yes. Now. Slowly. Very nice, Ava. I can see why you like her, Dale.

[00:16:07] She sure is a vision on all fours like that. Hey, let's skip your pathetic kink and get back to business. This floor is fucking disgusting. There it is! The lip. But you're right. Money. So listen.

[00:16:22] This is the easiest thing you've had to do since dropping to the floor and setting my imagination on fire. Reach under the bed. Slowly. Reach under the bed. Slowly. And pull that money out. Then slide it to the middle of the floor right here in front of me.

[00:16:42] Got it? Okay. Now? Yes. Like now. But slow. Go. Okay, I'm reached for it. It's far back there, so hold on. Ava, don't fuck around. Just pull it out slowly and drag it. Holy shit! I was not giving that pig one fucking dime, Dale! Of course not.

[00:17:09] No, no. I thought there might be another way. He was gonna take away the money! There is no other way! Yeah, yeah, I know. Bye, you dirty little piggy. If I sit here and watch the lights go out, do ya? Right. Let's see what we got here.

[00:17:44] Well, shit me a white hood. Look at this. Brotherhood ink. Another fallen soldier of the thin white line. All right. Let's go. Hey, hey, hey. What about that? The body? Leave it to the fucking maggots. A cop? This is gonna chase us forever.

[00:18:03] Everything we've ever done chases us. Dirty cop isn't new. After tomorrow, we do whatever the fuck we want. But first, we gotta get out of here. Clean. Okay, right. I'll take the money to the car. You take care of the hag. Shit. Really?

[00:18:20] Can't leave her to talk about us when they come looking for the cop. Okay, but why me? I did the pig! This one's gotta be you. It's only fair. Okay, okay. Give me the gun. Do it quiet. Should be easy. She's like 800 years old.

[00:18:35] Just give me the gun! Really? Okay, here. Use the cops. Make it fast. Wipe your prints and leave it behind. I'm taking our shit out to the car. Ma'am, you in there? It's me from room 518. Just had a question for you. Showtime. God, smells like death in here.

[00:20:14] Ma'am, you here? Come on out now. The rat. Shit! Who's there? Tendrils of rot. No! Seeping everywhere. No! Snuffing out the light. I wasn't! The rat. The rat. Christ, Dale, how long you gonna take with this? Pull the trigger already. Fucking shithead.

[00:21:11] You're gonna make me come in there and do this myself, aren't ya? No. No! Wait for him to do what he said he'd do, what he promised he'd do. Fuck it! God, you had your chance, Dale. Oh, come on, Dale, get out of there. Get out of there.

[00:21:41] The time's not to be a dipshit, please. Pick now. Oh, no fucking way. Oh shit! Ma'am, I'm gonna need to speak with him. You can't speak with me. Stand back, I'm coming in to see. I want that. You fucking whore! Hey, you! Ava Rae!

[00:22:10] Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Ava Rae, out of the vehicle now! Fat fucking chance! Shit! Shit! God damn it, Dale, you can handle one old woman, you shit! Shit, you fucking stupid shit! Shit! Okay, gotta get off the road, come on. Where'd it go?

[00:22:50] Where'd it go? God damn it, not now, you stupid piece of shit! Stop that, shut the fuck up already! The dream is alive at Joy Haven, the greatest place to live the good lord has ever blessed on earth. What? Your oasis in the desert where peace awaits.

[00:23:11] Take Freedom Exit 4 off Route 47. Do it now, do it now! Do it now, Ava! Hey, what? Now, now, now! Shit! Now, now! All right! Hey, what the- where'd you go? Fucking sitting duck shit! Really, Ava? You listen to the fucking radio? All right, take two.

[00:23:49] Just fucking do this. Shit. Okay then, let's see where this road goes. You've got to be fucking kidding me. What the fuck are you doing in the middle of the street? I almost killed you! Sorry to startle you.

[00:25:17] We all drive carefully here, so no need to look before crossing. That sounds like a death wish. Good luck with that. You can back away from my car now? Heck no. Come on in, have some pie. Doesn't that sound nice? Sounds creepy as fuck. Pass.

[00:25:35] It's just right over here. I said no! Hey, hey, stop that! How are you doing that? Great park job. You're an excellent driver. Who the fuck are you? Oh my, I forgot to introduce myself in all the commotion. I'm Troy. How did my car do that? Follow me.

[00:26:01] I said no. Oh, you won't need that here. My car just parked itself in your driveway, so yeah, I think I do. Now back the fuck off! There's nothing for you to worry about here. Says you! Now back away from my shit!

[00:26:18] No one here needs anything they don't already have. So there's no need to take what isn't theirs. Bullshit. Really? Right. And next you're gonna tell me that no one locks their doors here, right? Why would they be locked? So people can't just wander in and take shit?

[00:26:34] Oh, I see. You're from elsewhere. Elsewhere, like planet fucking Earth. That elsewhere? Yeah, yeah, I'm from there. You'll love it here. It's not like... ...elsewhere. Okay, you're running a con. Great, you think I'm an easy mark? Try me, shit stain. Hmm. How about that pie? Follow me.

[00:27:01] I said no. Damn it! Hey, what the fuck did you do to my car? I don't love shit, Troy! Hey, I don't want your... What is that smell? Fresh baked cookies. They're the best, aren't they? You're shitting me. But we're here for pie. Can't have cookies before pie.

[00:27:31] Know what I mean? No, I don't. This place is huge. Is all this stuff... ...yours? Of course. Whose else would it be? Do all the houses have this much... ...stuff? Well, the people here do like nice things. If that's what you're asking. Good to know. So...

[00:27:57] ...where is everyone? Out. You'll meet them later. Can't. Need to get back on the road. Sure, sure. Right after pie. Sugar makes me violent, Troy. So that's a no. It's a treat. You can have just a few bites. I know you can. I'm not five.

[00:28:13] I don't take pie from strangers. My apologies. I don't have much experience with mistrust. Whatever. Nice life you got going here. Joy Haven is a peaceful haven of joy. That's what it means. Yeah, so I'm getting back on the road. Where are you going so fast?

[00:28:30] Got a life I gotta get back to, Troy. Your life? Ava? I... I didn't tell you my name. What kind of life? Who are you? I told you. I'm Troy. Yeah, right. I'm leaving now. Thought you said the doors aren't locked here! Sorry. A misunderstanding. Doors aren't locked.

[00:29:00] To the outside. You lock yourselves in? That makes no fucking sense. Open this door now! What kind of life are you rushing back to, Ava? Stop that! How do you know my name? If you could only see where it leads. The corruption. The rot.

[00:29:15] No place like home, asshole. Now open this fucking door! Come have a seat. Listen, Jagoff. I'm not staying. So let me get out of here right now before I punch a new hole in your stupid smiling face! Okay. Follow me. I really wish you'd stay.

[00:29:36] I think you'd see things differently after some pie. Take a rain check. I'm gonna hold you to that. Try it. Good day in Joy Haven, Judith! My car. Does it work? Can I drive it? Are you sure you won't stay for some pie? Fuck your pie!

[00:29:52] Does my car work? Can I drive it out of here? Simple questions, simple answers. Yes, of course. Any of you freaks follow me and I'll- Follow you? No one here wants to be where you're going. Good, because I'm not fucking around. You hear me? Yeah, whatever. Hey!

[00:30:24] Get out of the street! Fuck off! What is with all these crazy bitches in the fucking street? Holy shit. You okay? What? You're just sitting here. What? I- I didn't leave the driveway? No. Do you need anything? Maybe some-

[00:31:01] If you say pie, I'm gonna gouge out your left eye with my bare fucking hands and eat it raw in front of your right eye. Okay. Carry on then. Good luck. Ava. Oh shit! The money! The bag. Where the fuck is the bag? It was right here.

[00:31:28] Where the fuck's my gun? Nothing? Oh, fuck me sideways. Another con? I knew it! Hey! Open up, Troy! Rolux. Right. Where's my bag, Troy? Hey! Troy! Answer me! Where are you, you coward? I know you stole my shit! Yo, you gonna get that? It's probably your mom, asshole!

[00:32:16] What? Telerico? How'd- How did you get this number? Oh, hey, so uh, yeah, we just- We had a complication, but like I am on my way with everything. Dale was a dream. What? No, no, we just got sidetracked. Like I am on my way. That- Uh, I'm sorry.

[00:33:10] That- Uh, had to. Yeah, okay, listen, I'm gonna be there soon. You hear me? Look, hey, I'm keeping our deal. I'm not cutting out on you, I swear. Who is that? Fuck is this? Fuck is it? Looking for this? Jesus Christ, Troy! How the fuck?

[00:33:58] You were looking for this, right? Yes, give me that! It's mine. Is it, though? Yes, fucker! That's a lie, Ava. Fuck you! The bag is mine! Maybe that is yours. So give it over. But inside the bag, the money, that isn't yours. Anything in my bag is mine.

[00:34:17] That's not true. What do you know about the truth? This whole place is a fucking mirage, and who the fuck are you? I'm Troy. A slice of pie has got to sound pretty good, doesn't it? What do you want, Troy? If that's even your real name.

[00:34:45] It's my real name. You work for Telerico, right? I don't know who that is. So who sent you? Ava, you came here, into my neighborhood, my joy haven, bringing this corruption with you. What are you, Jehovah's Witness or some shit? I don't know what that is.

[00:35:04] A cult, then, right? Ava... Hey! Tell me what you want right now before I pull your brains out through your fucking nose! All your violent talk, you do it for shock value. But it betrays a true darkness within you.

[00:35:21] Listen, Bible boy, you'll really understand my darkness when I make you choke to death on your own blood! My fucking bag! Now! How about that pie? It's fresh. God, fuck you! Fuck your pie! Give me my bag! Now! It's not yours. Definitely not yours.

[00:35:40] Ava, you in this bag, being here, causes imbalance. So give it back. I'll leave. Balance restored! You already tried that. What? To leave. It didn't work. Yeah, well, I don't know what that was, but I'm going all the way this time, so give me my fucking bag.

[00:36:05] I think Dale would have wanted you to stay and have some pie. Who the fuck do you think you are? I don't know what fucking con you're running, but I'm done with your shit! Okay. Okay. It's yours. Damn right it is. Do not follow me. Got it?

[00:36:28] Stay for pie. The fuck off, freak! Stay for some pie? Not today, Nancy! Stay for pie. Stay for pie. Get out of my way! Get off my car! No. How can I still be here? Hi, Ava. Fuck my life.

[00:37:07] Got a fresh slice of pie with your name on it. Come on! Why can't I leave here? There you go. Fresh. Answer me. Why can't I leave here? You, the money, that gun. You come from elsewhere. I don't understand. Joyhaven is freedom. Real freedom.

[00:37:42] Freedom from the metastasis of corruption that eats away at everything else. Yeah, so when I say I don't understand, that's not a signal to double down on your dumb fucking riddles. Why can't I leave here? Somehow you brought it here. Or it followed you.

[00:38:02] Either way, it's here now. And it wants to stay. Great. More bullshit. If you just have some pie... What is it with you and this fucking pie? Is it drugged? Are you gonna roofie me for your sex cult? Are you gonna murder me in a ritual sacrifice? Huh?

[00:38:21] You're gonna cut my stomach open and eat my raw entrails while I watch? What, Troy? What? Elsewhere has burdened you with such darkness. Well, you haven't seen shit yet, fucker. And now it's found a footing here. Tendrils creeping. Corrupting.

[00:38:38] I can taste the rot in the back of my throat. Ever since you arrived. The rot. Hey, freak show! Back to me. Last time. Why can't I leave? Have some pie, Ava. If I take a bite of this, I'll be able to leave. That's not up to me.

[00:39:05] Then why am I talking to Mr. Fucking Pie Fetish instead of whoever is actually in charge? Eat some pie, Ava. It's the only way to know. Know what? If the balance you disrupted can be restored. You're fucking crazy. So this is what you wanted, huh? Here.

[00:39:31] Eating your fucking pie. Yeah? Did I tell you? This? Or did I tell you? No, you did not tell me this would be a full on gangbang in my mouth. Shit! That's graphic. Holy shitballs, if you're fucking poisoning me, I'm gonna kill you.

[00:40:08] Holy shitballs, if you're fucking poisoning me right now, I don't even care. I wouldn't. This is the way to go. Holy fucking hell. But... Uh... Oh my god! No. Fuck me! Ava. This is so good! Stop eating, Ava! My fucking mouth! Look! Oh my god!

[00:40:33] It's full of maggots! This is the most amazing pie! No! The rats! The rats! The rats! You don't belong here. I know my rights. I'll kill you! Leaving as fast as I can. Ava, stop! You can't leave like this! Have a horrible day in Joyhaven, Troy!

[00:41:01] Get off my property, Troy. I'll kill you, Janet! Shit! Go! Now, Ava! Go! I'll kill you! Holy shit! I'm out! I'm out! The dream is a- The greatest place to live, the good lord has never left, daughter! Sounds like a hellhole. In the dip! Oh, Ava, Ava, Ava.

[00:42:37] Lucky shot. Looks like your luck just ran out. I'll take this. Sit here and watch the lights go out. Touché, fucker. The rats. The rats. The rats. Ominous Thrill presents Joyhaven. Created, written, directed and sound designed by Jeff Schmidt. Starring... Jolene Anderson as Ava.

[00:43:54] John Henry Richardson as Dale. James Lewis as Police Officer. Erin Groban as Troy. Lisa Stanley as Motel Operator. Additional voices from... Meredith Nudo, Mariana Stanek, Sophie Flack, Jodie Hansen, Lady Theta and Jeff Schmidt. La La Rona, performed by Melissa Medina.

[00:44:21] If you like what you've heard, please give us a 5-star rating and a positive review. It encourages others to listen. Follow or subscribe to Ominous Thrill to get our next devious audio delight for free.

[00:44:35] To learn more, including how you can support the making of Ominous Thrill, visit ominousthrill.com. Until next time, thrill you later. The Fable & Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Sure I can't get you a drink? Uh... I... um... They'd had a moment, hadn't they?

[00:45:09] That afternoon when Garrett had smiled just like this. Warm-eyed and amused in a way that made Tony want another cigarette, but also want to step forward and... Hey Kate, what are you writing? Ah! New text post on Thursday, May 21st. Title, Why You Should Be Watching Selkirk.

[00:45:34] So Selkirk fandom, who wants to read my 5,000-word essay Garrett Last Name, Secret Werewolf? I'm Kate, by the way. They kissed?! I think I lucked out when I found Selkirk, because if I'd loved something else,

[00:45:54] I would have made friends and I would have been able to read a ton of great stories. But this way, I met you. Me and A You, a new story about love and fandom from the Procyon Podcast Network.